School makes me feel depressed, I don't want to go back
With the coronavirus going on I'm doing online school, and it's going terribly. I started late, so there was work I had to catch up on plus them adding on new work then getting it done when they're due. I tried the first 2 weeks then didn't care anymore. So I'm sitting with multiple F's when the previous years I made A's and B's. My parent who knows about those grades is going from I understand why you're failing to you have to go back to school.
What is the problem with that you may ask? It's that school makes me feel "depressed" (I'm undiagnosed ) and any chance of being away from that hell hole I would like to take. I could do better but the problem is 1: they figured out the difference between school and the amount of work they were uploading too late. At school you can ask questions at the moment and even when you're given passages and stuff they just give you what's NEEDED for it all. They were just uploaded what they would show us in class WITHOUT the cherry picking and we have to understand it ourselves. We could ask questions but we have to Email them and WAIT for a reply. So when the school realized they started uploaded less work so we wouldn't get overwhelmed....Too late for that
Problem 2: being I was the "smart kid" (that's a whole story). Long story short it's pretty common for some of us "smart kids" to end up hating school and all that. Basically I went from putting up with school and dreaming of college to thinking of ways I could make an income without "working" but having fun and skipping on college. So now I hate the school system because it sucks and prepares us to grow up working for somebody or you'll be flipping burgers , working at Walmart, and embarrassed with yourself. Nothing is wrong with doing those jobs. Some people like flipping burgers and some like the office job the problem is the Majority don't because of the pay, the people they have to deal with, or they just don't like the job. I see that you're most likely guaranteed a living by working in a office, being a healthcare worker, a lawyer, etc. Not to say all of these people will be rich, just saying they have a job, same with the look down upon jobs. What I'm trying to say is we're taught about these options when some of us don't want it. The system is rigged and we're brought up to serve not to accomplish dreams.
I don't want to go back to school but I need to improve those online grades my parent doesn't seem to get that the school setting could help me academically but it's at the cost of my mental health and then that isn't going to matter anymore and I'm back "depressed". I'm pretty scared that I'll do something extreme because school, plus other things going on, has resulted in me trying something extreme. (I don't want to trigger anybody). My conclusion is that school sucks, the system and people makes life suck, I'm a nobody, and I don't care. I don't think about my future I just live in the moment
Posted in: Blog on July 18, 2021 @ 10:48 PM