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10 Benefits of Homework
- Homework is a good way to get rid of all those unwanted trees on the planet by turning them into paper that eventually gets torn up and burned.
- Homework will make eating dirt seem like a fun activity. Eating dirt is apparently quite nutritional, or so I'm told. Why else would earthworms do it?
- Homework teaches students that nobody cares about their free time and what they would rather do with it. This is a valuable lesson that will leave them cynical for the rest of their lives.
- Homework teaches students that learning is all about memorizing things, answering questions, and writing loads of crap on topics you don't care about. This is intended to prevent them from accidentally learning anything useful in their free time (so that school can take all the credit for any learning that DOES occur), but it doesn't always work.
- Homework gives students something useful to do with their free time, because as everyone knows, it's totally impossible to learn anything of value without the help and guidance of school.
- Homework is a great way to invade students' free time and keep their minds focused on their misery for as long as possible. This will make them like their job one day because of better working hours and actually getting paid. Oh, and the benefit of being able to change jobs and/or quit.
- Life is short, and homework takes up time that students will never, ever get back. This may result in them living the rest of their lives to the fullest to make up for wasted time.
- Not doing homework will result in punishment - this teaches students the valuable lesson that victimless crimes are just as bad as crimes where someone actually gets hurt.
- Homework will teach students the value of cheating and well done plagiarism, and the fine art of getting away with doing as little as humanly possible. This will prevent them from becoming a workaholic later in life.
- Homework teaches students that there are a lot of totally useless things in life that drive certain people completely nuts if you refuse to do them. It's important that they get used to this fact early, because there are a lot of mentally unstable people out there in the world. Especially in schools.