School Survival

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28 Funny Excuses for Missing School

Apparently these were real written excuses given to teachers by parents of students.
  1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
  3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
  4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
  5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
  6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
  7. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
  8. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
  9. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
  10. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
  11. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
  12. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
  13. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  14. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
  15. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
  16. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
  17. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
  18. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  19. Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1 - Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious sacrificial giving ceremony on Indian grounds.
  20. I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn't!
  21. Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!
  22. I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.
  23. Please excuse my son from school yesterday, he has gangrene and cock itch.
  24. A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, " What about extreme sexual exhaustion? ", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, " Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
  25. My son Michael won't be in school today, he caught his thing in his zipper this morning while dressing and is in lot of pain!
  26. Please excuse Casey from school. It was Take Your Daughter to work day. I don't have a job, so I made her stay home and do housework.
  27. Al was not in school yesterday because he was didn't feel like going.
  28. Please excuse Ryan's absents he has smoked too much weed over the last few days and is extremely tired.

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