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How Can I Stop School Bullies From Bothering Me?
Use the Gray Rock method:
Avoid eye contact. Making eye contact with a person transfers a lot of information and energy between you. Don’t give them this.
Keep your interactions as short as possible. Respond with very short phrases, simple yes/no answers.
Act disinterested and detached, don’t show them any emotion. They feed off your emotions, and they will provoke you to try to get you to be more emotional just so that they can get more of that energy. If they can’t figure out how to provoke you, they’ll get bored and find someone else they can feed from.
Give them as little information about you as possible. If they ask questions, try to be as vague and boring as possible.
If they ask you to do something you don’t want, simply say “No” without offering any explanation. If they ask why, just say “Because I don’t want to”. That’s the only reason you need. A decent person should accept that as a valid reason.
More Advice & Replies:
I have this quote by the singer Sarah McLachlan.
“We're constantly being told what other people think we are, and that's why it is so important to know yourself.”
I believe there is a lot of truth to that. It's not easy to do in ANY way, but it helps if you think that any time your bullied. Know that these people probably will have a pretty bad life later on. And maybe they will change their ways. Maybe not.
ignore them, if they keep bothering you beat them up dont be affraid of bullys i was at one point until i realized how weak they really are
(in response to Darkstripe) That's very true. If I knew back then what I know now, the bullying wouldn't have bothered me at all. I'd probably just have laughed at them. But I didn't really know myself back then, so I was kind of dependent on what other people said about me, and there weren't a whole lot of positive things being said, so… yeah.
Ignore them. This is one of the hardest things to do, but it works. Ignoring the people who bully you will be hard, since they tend to come after you, but what worked for me was to start lifting weights. School is a prison, so if it works in prison, it should work in school.
Ummm…. this may not be the best way. Infact it's probably the worst. Well you know the whole “violence is not the answer” - well this girl was bothering me and my friends, I threw a ranch covered pizza at her and went to the office, but she never messed around with me or my friends (at that table, she stills bullies my other friend but I'm um….going to “confront” her about that) :(
A lot of people used to bully me at school (I've long since graduated and all that) - but there was this one cowardly bully in particular that was somewhat amusing. He happened to live 2 houses down from us, so that my mom would always drive past his house taking me to school and back. One day, his dog ran out in front of our car, but we didn't hit it. Later that day in school, I overheard the bully telling one of his buddies that my mom was a bitch for almost running his dog over. So I said “I heard that”. Then all of a sudden he was all like “Oh I'm so sorry, please, PLEASE don't tell her! I'll do anything!”. So I said “I'll think about it”. About 2 minutes later he said “How about if I never bother you again? I'll even try to get everyone else to leave you alone as well. Please, don't tell your mom what I said!”. So I said “Deal.”, and we shook hands. I didn't tell my mom, and he never bothered me again. He kept his end of the deal, and actually got the others to bother me less as well. We even traded computer games a couple of times. So, the moral of the story? If one of your bullies is a chicken, diplomacy might just work ;)
What's always worked for me is bullying them back. Bullying doesn't just refer to taking lunch money and beating kids up. It's more like a way in which the idiots demonstrate their “power” over you. I'm a nice guy, but the way I see it is, if someone is going to be a jerk to me, I'm going to be a jerk right back. When I first started getting bullied in elementary, it was over stupid stuff. I got tired of it and eventually I clocked one of the bullies in the face.
Now, this doesn't have the effect you think it would. What this does is it creates a kind of 'uncertainty' in the minds of bullies. They pick on you all the time but suddenly you're going to do something to them if they do it any more. Which tells them that you are no longer afraid of them, and won't put up with their crap. This does one of two things; it either changes the way bullies treat other people and causes them to realize how stupid they act (this fortunately is what happened in my case, and now he's a good guy), or, they move on to smaller, weaker opponents.
If A happens, that proves that some people can be better than that. If B happens, your best bet is stay away from them. Those people are the kinds of people that just get dumber and worse, and spin off into a downward spiral and go NOWHERE in life. Those are the kinds of psychos that end up as drug dealers and serial killers.
Another alternative is to act like you're crazy…. which has also worked for me… The next time someone tells you to hand over their money, calmly tell them that you are going to come to their house and burn it down. And that you are going to eat their unborn children. Now this may sound a little off, but it causes the bully to literally think you're crazy. And then they stay away from you. OR they beat the crap out of you for threatening them….. which is why you have to be calm about it, as if it's the most natural thing in the world. And you have to be consistent; every time you see the person you have to tell them something different…. like you enjoy knitting sweaters in your free time. And by “knitting” I mean 'kicking' and “sweaters” I mean 'babies'.
A third option you have for dealing with bullies is to take some sort of defense class. Karate is PERFECT. Or you can join the wrestling team. This also teaches you patience and discipline, so that you may be above your enemies. This is for the next time they get in your face. You calmly ignore them, deny and refuse them, or otherwise keep yourself from doing anything they say, and eventually they might get mad enough to where they resort to physical violence against you.
That's where the training kicks in. You can't get in trouble for it since you're only defending yourself. But it's important to ONLY defend yourself; don't go too far like break all their ribs if they slap you. And it's also important not to provoke them. Not provoking bullies doesn't just go for self defense, it's a rule in general and common sense. If you beat them enough, they'll learn not to screw with you anymore, and potentially, not to screw with anyone else either, as they don't know if THEY know karate. If you're going to take karate classes, keep it a secret. If they know about it, they probably won't bother you and thus won't be taught a lesson at all.
Now, I don't condone violence in any form, but it seems to have been OK if the bullies do it first. They start it, you end it. That being said, if all else fails, seek help. Teachers, principals, guidance counselors, ANYONE higher up on the food chain. If your AP is a total badass like mine, then he won't put up with their crap and issue a 'restraining order' so to speak.
If you can't get help from the school, you need to tell your parents or guardians. In fact you should tell them anyway after you tell your administration. You can also ask your friends for help. If they're bigger, you can get them to watch your back. Or if they are a bunch of smaller kids like you, well then, strength in numbers. One small kid acting big and tough against a couple meaner kids isn't much compared to 6 or 7 smaller kids. If I was a bully, I wouldn't want a bunch of little dudes ganging up on me and biting my knees off or something.
Well that's about all the advice I can give on bullies. If you're tired of them and they bully you indirectly, tell your school admins. If they threaten or harm you directly, tell your parents and school admins. If you can't rely on them, you need to rely on yourself to kick their ass, because by that point, they probably need a good beating themselves. Break a leg…
Here's how to fight back against bullies. (I hate that word too; it sounds like something only a kindergarten teacher would use. Unfortunately, I haven't come up with a better word yet.) After the bully says something stupid, you reply with something equally boring to the following:
Oh, do you really think that way? It seems that blah blah. I would not have expected blah blah.
You know, that reminds me of the time when my second cousin Bill, no…I think it was actually Tim, you see, they both look alike, and actually it's really funny because they're on opposite sides of my family and Tim's twelve years older than Bill, but they still look alike, well, so where was I? Right, Bill, I mean Tim, was blah blah
Cool! Did you know that my grandfather actually owned fourteen donkeys? They weren't asses though; asses are a different species or something. Hmm, do you know the difference? I should look that up on Wikipedia actually. I love Wikipedia; it has stuff about everything. Oh, and do you want to hear something really funny? Do you know what a wiki is exactly? Well blah blah. So Wikipedia is run by the Wikimedia foundation, and it developed the MediaWiki software. And MediaWiki is really funny because it has funny variable names like, well, hmm, I can't remember any right now, but they're something like “long page” and “short page” and “longer page” or something and they're really funny.
Some thoughts on fighting back
The self defense issue depends on what the person is doing. If someone is being a regular jerk and pissing you off it isn't good reason for violence. If that person does on repeated occasions, violence may be acceptable. If a person bullies you in physical ways, then self defense is definitely acceptable.
The sad reality is that punching (or kicking, in my case) bullies works really well to get them to leave you alone. It works. It's quite possibly the easiest way to get rid of them. But… that doesn't mean it's the best way. It doesn't teach them anything. It just reinforces their stupid power struggle ideas, all it does is raise you up higher on the food chain and makes them go pick on someone else who doesn't fight back.
but the thing is, they DO learn something. they learn that they can't just do whatever the hell they want to people, that sometimes their victims fight back. this will make them more cautious in the future, and could possibily dissuade them from repeating what they did. also, the whole social standing thing is ruined because getting their ass kicked by the kid they were supposed to be picking on doesn't make them look very strong or cool in the eyes of their friends. i think it teaches them a great deal.
I don't think this is correct at all. If they get their ass kicked and end up embarrassed as hell, they're not going to rethink what they're doing. Instead of teaching them what you're implying, it'll only give them incentive to pick on you more to induce another fight (one for which they will be more prepared), or they might just beat the shit out of you the next chance they get.
All this creates is a constant rotation, they bully you, you fight back, they try and crush your retaliation. If they succeed in defeating you, you're right back where you began, and the bully will be much more eager to harass you. If you defeat them again, they'll only make more plans to humiliate you, or they'll leave you alone. The former sounds more likely.
so don't beat them, ruin them. do it right and it'll humiliate them enough so that their fear is greater than their anger, and then you'll have a shot. you'll be prepared for the next one too, and after last time you'll have the advantage because they won't have the support of the crowd anymore, or at least it won't be as strong.
as i said before, don't just beat them, destroy them. and i don't just mean physically, that means nothing really. or you can lose, but make it clear that you won't go down easy and eventually they'll give up (it worked in vietnam!). either way, show them you can defend yourself. don't attack them, just defend. let them know that you'll leave them alone if they do the same.
If it's verbal, ignore. If you can't ignore, come up with some witty retorts or something beyond their mental capacity. Walk away and smile as they scratch their head, trying to understand what you're speaking about.
If it's physical, but in the sort that involves attempted tripping or shoving, you get back at that with pranks. Don't take any drastic measures. I for one did the pull-the-chair-before-they-sit prank on a kid who bullied me. He never bothered me again, especially since he became the laughing stock of the school for a week(but on a good note, we ended up becoming friends and he became “reformed”).
If they get physical or just threaten with physical abuse, you report them to the school. If that doesn't solve it, or make it worse, report them to your parents. Doesn't work? We get to step 3(my favorite). You tell them if they don't leave you alone, you will get them anytime anywhere. Be it in the shower, in the bed, at the park. Back up this threat by actually getting them, when they're alone somewhere. He visits the bathroom? you just caught him with his pants down, literally. Make sure you frighten him so bad(and I mean you practically help him with his business in the stall) that he will know that you will always catch him off-guard and that next time, you won't be so nice.
(And if you ever get into an altercation, there are no rules in a fight. You defend yourself at all costs. Laying on the ground bleeding will not help you in any way even if you fought “fair”. Outnumbered? make a run for it. Maybe if you have some courage, you can set up an “ambush” or traps to deter them. Oh and I'm referring to the bully as a male but I don't only restrict it to that gender)